“20 minutes – anything less than that and he gets kicked out the bed.”

“No way! If I can manage five that’s pushing it.”

“Five? I don’t know how she puts up with you.”

Last weekend I was in a café with friends, discussing our sex lives. We were not, as anyone who overheard might have assumed, talking about our staying power, but how long after sex one should wait before looking at one’s phone. It’s a conversation that comes up increasingly often and some people think it’s something we should be taking more seriously.

Last year a study published by the Lancet, the world’s leading medical journal, found that British people aged between 16 and 44 have sex fewer than five times a month – an approximate 20% decline since 2000. Other research from the polling company Harris Interactive suggests that 80% of young Americans keep their smartphones by or near their bed and a surprising 20% have used a smartphone during sex.

One way to interpret this research is to assume these two separate issues are linked. Articles in every national newspaper, as well as tech blogs and women’s magazines, are convinced that the decline in sexual activity has been caused by the dramatic rise in our use of technology. This thesis suggests that no-one wants to go out on the chirpse when there’s 10 more levels of Candy Crush to play. Why would we have sex when we can watch Homeland on our iPads?

One thing we’ve certainly learned from the digital revolution is that competition has changed irrevocably. Gone are the days when two blockbuster films would battle it out each summer. Today, everything struggles for our precious attention: television, games, video-on-demand, social media and yes, our relationships and sex lives. We’ve all had an evening where the decision to race through a box set on Netflix has meant falling asleep fully clothed in front of the TV instead of undressed in bed.

But is this increased competition really the cause of our sexual decline? Surely the negative effect of technological distractions is more than offset by the number of opportunities for sexual encounters that technology is creating through dating websites and hook-up apps like Tinder and Grindr. Pornography offers the quick and easy promise of a minimal variation on an already familiar satisfaction. Besides, the Lancet’s report into our sex lives made no claims whatsoever about the role of new technology.