Cynicism around love today often comes from the way we’ve been trained to measure it: by whether it ends in marriage, whether it produces kin. Historically, locking love into the institution of marriage was essential for centralising kinship and inheritance. But in contemporary life, intimacy, care and belonging are increasingly being decoupled from marriage.
The signs are everywhere. In the US, “mommunes” – co-living setups where single mothers pool childcare and resources – show that care can be organised beyond the nuclear couple. Multi-generational households are creeping back, driven by economics and caregiving demands. LGBTQ+ movements have long exposed how marriage excluded so many, sparking debates over legitimacy and kinship.
Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy are also becoming more visible, challenging the idea that intimacy has to be exclusive. Even the loneliness epidemic is pushing people to find new ways to belong – through friendship networks, chosen families or digital communities.
Anthropologist Janet Carsten reminds us that kinship is “a process, not a structure” (2000) – a set of practices of relatedness rather than rigid family categories. Friendship, communal care, chosen families: these are now legitimate spaces of intimacy, equally deserving of recognition.
